Here is the Recovery Writer prompt for September 2020. You can write ahead of the meeting and bring it to share or write on your own. I will email zoom info so email me if you are not on my list. christiebeck90@gmail.com. Next Meeting is Sunday September 27 at 1:30pm.
Denial
Denial is a powerful survival strategy. It keeps us from feelings that we fear might destroy us. As we grow in recovery, feelings will return. We will retrieve memories. I saw how many times I denied my True Self, when my Inner Child was hurt or frightened, by resorting to platitudes or statements that minimized or denied my experience.
When someone asks me how I am and I reply, “fine,” that is not always true. With some people, it’s not appropriate to reveal all my feelings. But in program, I need to recognize and verbalize my feelings if I want to grow. Recently, someone asked me on a cold, wet spring day how I was doing. I said, “Drizzly.” He knew just what I meant!
Finding those phrases that we use to deny our true feelings is a good way to write about denial.
Denial
I’m fine. Really fine.
Her criticism didn’t bother me.
Those weren’t really tears.
I’m fine. Really. Fine.
It didn’t hurt that badly.
It was clear he’d changed his mind.
We get to fall in love and out.
It didn’t hurt that badly.
Other people have it worse.
The mothers who can’t feed their children.
The refugees in camps.
Other people have it worse.
What’s past is past.
I say let bygones be bygones.
Put one foot forward and march on.
What’s past is past.
When I hear the things I say, either out loud or to myself, I can see the extent of my denial. Then I can start to tell the truth about how I really feel, recognizing that my feelings
may change, but I can express them in the moment. If I am overly-agitated, I can pause and ask whether I need to express a feeling right now. But I need to be cautious that I don’t wait and then talk myself out of my feeling after it has passed.
My general rule is if I am still obsessing over a conversation in my head 24 hours after it occurred, I need to say something.
PROMPT:
1.Think of the phrases you say when someone asks you how you are. Write about what you say and what you would say if you were telling the truth.
2.Write about phrases you recall from childhood that caused you to deny your feelings. This is a good way to identify the voice of the Inner Critical Parent and to see where you repeat it today.
3.Write about all the ways you minimize your feelings, such as “other people have it worse.” Make your list of excuses for telling the truth.
