Drama
I longed to be an actress,
convert my gift of pretense
to a paying job.
I learned my lines, auditioned
for the student plays,
dismayed to see I never
got a call-back.
My drama teacher, tall and burly,
with a voice suited to Iago or
Macbeth, was in hot water.
His lechery, the orgies in this Berkeley hilltop home,
had trickled down into the classroom, like muddy water
runs in rivulets in the rainy season.
He’d asked us to his orgies, of course
he had. Most of us said “no.” One guy
went and came back chastened and appalled.
The Dean had called a meeting with the professor
and us students. Would my teacher keep his job?
Enter me, aspiring actress, attracted to role as his defender.
I dressed the part of earnest student--
exchanged my clingy dress for jeans and work shirt,
pulled my long blonde curls into braids.
Then I lied: “I’ve never seen the professor
be inappropriate. He’s the best teacher
I’ve ever had.”
Perhaps I thought he’d thank me
by making me the lead in his next show.
I didn’t get a call back.
Connection to Recovery: This incident combines my attraction to drama with people pleasing. The professor was also an authority figure. It never occurred to me not to stand up for him, even though I knew he was a narcissist and sexually inappropriate with his students.
Prompt:
1. Write about anyone you regret not standing up to and what you would have said after recovery.
2. Write about any incident where you were attracted to drama in an unhealthy way.
3. Write about where you manipulated a person or situation in order to get what you wanted and had it backfire.
