Prompt for Sunday, December 6/13, 1:30pm. I will email zoom info to Recovery Writers.
Setting boundaries is hard because I am a conflict-avoider. I never learned how to express my feelings and state my needs. Therefore, I assume if I try to set a boundary, I’ll either be speechless and cave in to unacceptable behavior or a huge fight will ensue.
Deciding that a sponsor-sponsee relationship is not working is a good example. Even when a sponsee is not keeping their commitments, I am reluctant to acknowledge that. I have a program friend who was afraid to tell her hairdresser she didn’t like the way the hairdresser did her hair! That sounds silly, but I totally understand. I believe honest communication without anger or accusation is one of the most important tools in recovery and one that most of us never learned how to do.
Boundaries
The garden, edged with wire,
a jaunty scarecrow, a bit of coyote
urine, hair shavings from a buzz cut.
Don’t call me, text me.
stop with the emojis, no more
cute animal videos.
I’m at the edge of nowhere,
on edge, waiting for silence,
flicker of senses, a sense of roots
growing underneath my feet,
threatening to expose themselves,
wrap around my ankles.
I’m afraid you will show up
with the kitchen shears
or a basket filled with bees
I’ve set a boundary to protect
the baby lettuce, a chance to grow
without withering or sunstroke.
Fieldstone, sandstone, slate, granite--
I haul them into place, balanced
like a conversation resting on a sinkhole.
Connection to Recovery
Boundaries are key to recovery. It is unreasonable to think I will like everyone I meet or they will like me. I cannot expect another person will change just because I ask them to. If someone triggers me, I have three choices:
1. Accept them just as they are,
2. Set limits on our interaction, 3.
Choose not to interact with that person.
PROMPT:
1.Write about someone you want to set a boundary with or someone who set a boundary with you. Write loving words that do not accuse but acknowledge your feelings and the limits you choose to set on the relationship.
2.Write about the fears you have if you set a boundary. It might be that you will never have another friend or that the other person will gossip about you. See what stands in the way of your setting boundaries. Find a concrete image, such as the baby lettuce in the poem above, that stands for that part of you that you feel you need to protect with a boundary.
