People Pleasing
There is nothing wrong with wanting people to like us. But when we betray our true selves in trying to please or ingratiate ourselves with others, we are trying to get others to fill our emptiness. It doesn’t work. And we lose our identity in the process. I wrote this poem in the voice of my mother. She taught me how to be pretty and how to flirt. This was people-pleasing behavior. I didn’t know it could backfire. It seemed natural to me.
My Daughter’s Birthday
Daughter, you begin your journey from a pool
where you’ve been floating to a light you can’t imagine.
Soon enough I’ll perch you in a tub of water on the grass,
posed for a Christmas card, naked cheer.
Until the water cools and life that requires rain,
an ancient incantation to conjure, will usher
in uncertain scarcity.
You will lie, pretend, keep secrets, smile when someone’s
watching, learn to love a dress with green apples, just
like mine, totter in my evening shoes, imitate my laugh.
And we will band together, pretty women, entertain
the men, despise their undersides, leave them in the
valley, windblown on our mountaintop.
Connection to Recovery:
I learned people-pleasing from my mother. This trait masked my True Self and made me feel like a fraud. I gave away my power to people I was trying to please. Today my Loving Inner Parent tells me I am complete just as I am. I don't need to smile when I'm unhappy or pretend to be self-sufficient when I need help.
PROMPT:
1.Write about how you learned about people-pleasing.
Who were your models? What type of behavior did you take
for granted because of what you saw around you?
2. Write in the voice of one of your caregivers about a trait they
passed down to you.
3.Write about a time you gave away your power to please
someone and the feelings you felt then. Bring your writing
forward and write about how you feel now.
No comments:
Post a Comment